The Little Things

While I don’t quite share Levy’s vocal disdain for Valentine’s Day, I also have little interest in celebrating it. Like Levy, I don't much care for being told when or how to show appreciation for my spouse. I don’t really buy into the idea of grand romantic gestures. I think that’s another unfortunate byproduct of television and film we could all do without. Yeah, the movie needs a climax but life doesn’t have a 90-minute runtime where everything is neatly wrapped up. It goes on. Never mind the over-the-top crescendo, what happens the next morning? The next week, month, year?

August 2020 - Massachusetts, US

A truly joyous union is not defined by a single overt moment but in many little ones. It’s more like a Byzantine mosaic - the beauty comes from the innumerable little pieces put together over time. Each little piece of glass, every precious tiny stone is a moment of kindness, a shared laugh, or a moment of thoughtfulness.

January 2013- Edinburgh, Scotland

There are far too many little shared memories to recall in their entirety here but I can remember a few moments from the early days that defined us. Right before I moved to Korea I had a pretty major dental crisis that involved an emergency visit to the dentist on the day before my flight. The dentist pretty much held the tooth together with stucco and prayer and told me that I’d have to get it fixed as a matter of priority in Asia. I did just that a couple of months later and, unsurprisingly, there wasn’t much they cou

ld do for it but yank it out. The pain was quite awful. I saw a friend on the subway back and could only communicate in vowels as I held my swollen jaw shut.

Not long after I got home, Levy came round with a bag full of ice-creams. Korea has an array of frozen delights you just don’t get anywhere else. It was a small gesture of kindness I still remember nearly a decade later. Another little thing she did, actually before we were an item, was to alleviate the boredom of my hour-long commute by giving me an old phone with hundreds of books loaded on it. I read the lot over the course of the two years I lived there.

Those little gestures typified that early period of our time together. I taught her how to cook, sort of, and trained her to a 4th-place finish in her age group for the DMZ marathon in 2013 and to perform a pull-up. We supported one another as we both grew significantly as people. There was never a time we weren’t at ease with one another, I never understood when people say things like “love takes a lot of work.” For me, it’s as easy as breathing.

Sept 2013 - South Korean Border

I don’t have to work at supporting my wife in her goals because I just want to. I might not be able to explain the qualities of the crystals she uses, but I can carry a box of them to the post office or help with the packaging. I can regularly write a charming blog about love and cats and proofread newsletters. Levy might not have the same expertise in history, but she read every line I ever wrote for my master’s and freelance pieces and caught so many little errors before publication. She might not know the offside rule but she’s there for every game.

2013 - Nara, Japan

I feel a lot of gratitude for the life we’ve built together. Our little home serves as a constant reminder of the work we did and the money we saved so dutifully. Each day we add many little stones to the masterpiece we’ve created together. We certainly don’t need a card or chocolates to remember that.